is it me or am i the only one who has an adverse reaction when the term relationship is brought up? I think I’ve gotten to the root of my issues i just need to work on it.
Another question: would you rather have a dude/woman that isn’t your type looks wise but treats you great OR a dude/woman that you’re attracted to that treats you so-so sometimes?
After a recent dm-sation w/ one of my friends i decided i should change my tumblr to a tumblr dedicated to my random male stories. No names, no specific details, no graphic details..just a lil tidbit here & there. hmm. sounds interesting.
so i have to work tomorrow..on my day off. granted it’s only 4 hours. but still. i have less than 3 weeks left until vegas..and i can’t wait. i deserve this vacay. i earned this vacay. but to be honest. i’m fuckin crying while i’m typing this shit. i’m tired of this shit. the same ol shit that i complain about so i won’t bother going into the specifics now. but i’m just tired. i feel like my life is in shambles. i try to stay positive and think of all the shit that i have to be grateful for. but it seems like lately the shit that i have to be grateful for is overshadowed by the shit that i want to change. and people always say change it then but that’s the thing. i’ve done EVERYTHING i possibly know of to change shit. and it hasn’t work. so what else do i do? stay patient? stay faithful. i’m sorry but at this point and time i don’t wanna hear that shit. i wish i had somebody to talk to but i feel like i’ve talked the few people i do trust out. or maybe it’s because i don’t wanna hear the same old tired ass advice. or maybe it’s because i feel selfish by complaining b/c they’re going through shit themselves.
i’m just so disappointed in myself as a person.
Anybody that knows me knows I love basketball (not all basketball because some basketball is boring). And anybody that knows me knows I’m a big Bulls fan (I am from Chicago & I do live in a Bulls household). So just imagine how distraught i was yesterday. Rose finally starts to look like himself and then gets hurt AGAIN but this time the injury was much worse. And now he’s done for the playoffs. Of course people want to count us out. Hell they counted us out when we had Rose back. That’s nothing new really. And of course some Bulls fans wanna jump out of a window and other shit like that. And i’m not gon lie the shit hurts man but like joakim noah said, there’s still basketball to be played. My father told me that I have to continue to have faith in my favorite team & that’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to continue watching the playoffs until the end & I’m still going to wear my Bulls jersey (yeah it’s a Rose jersey). I’ve learned a long time ago that “experts” don’t know SHIT. My grandmother had an anerusym rupture in her brain when I was a freshman in high school & she was in her late 70s. The surgeon told us on a scale of 1-10 there was a 9.5 chance that she wouldn’t make it through surgery. But guess what: she did. And she started to talk to us a few months afterwards. I tell that story to support my next point: Don’t nobody know what’s going to happen except for God. God has a plan for EVERYTHING. So I don’t listen to these experts because they not God. They’re just making predictions. Although playoff basketball is different than regular season basketball they doubted us in the regular season too. Last year they said the Bucks would win the Central Division but we did. They said we wouldn’t have the best record in the Eastern Conference or the league but we did. They said that D.Rose wouldn’t be the MVP because he was too young but guess what..he won. Experts been wrong for years and who knows maybe they’ll be right this time. But then again maybe they’ll be wrong. We don’t know what’s going to happen.
But I do know what’s going to happen.
I’m going to continue to be a Bulls fan. Yes my favorite player is hurt & done for the playoffs. But my favorite team still has a series lead. They’re still playing and haven’t gone fishing. I’m not going to let this shit damper my spirits any longer I’m going to go continue my life. I’m a Bulls fan through the good, the bad, and the ugly. And I’m here to stay.
Like my grandmother used to say, “It ain’t over until the fat lady sings.” And I ain’t hearing that broad singing just yet.
ETA: And people trying to talk shit to me too. I chuckle at them & smile like a lil old lady before moseying away. I didn’t talk shit when Rose was healthy & I don’t talk shit now. I’m getting my zen on. So I won’t tell them to eat a dick like they expect me to do.
I’m a creature of habit & planning. Like I have to plan everything. And sometimes when those plans fall through I fall apart. With that being said, I HAVE to get myself EMOTIONALLY ready to go out. I love looking fly & getting dolled up to go out. Love dancing to music & having drinks (don’t call me an alchy!) but it’s such a process. Because I have to mentally prepare myself to be ready to stand all night in 5 inch heels. Prepare myself for being in crowded ass hot ass clubs w/ hood ass drunk people. Prepare myself for driving and shit. And don’t get me wrong I haven’t been to every club/bar/lounge in Chicago but right now I just don’t give a fuck about going out in Chicago. I rather save my money to party out of town. Maybe when it gets warmer I’ll care about clubbing in Chicago but right now I just don’t care. So once you take me out of my “Getting prepared to go out” zone (for example you want to change plans at the last minute, you don’t reply to my text so I don’t know what’s going on, etc.) I’m just done. I don’t wanna do shit. Maybe I’m getting old & maybe all a sister wants to do is go to dinner & have drinks & bring my ass home. Maybe I need a reliable non hood crew to hang with. I don’t know what it is but I’m just so over this shit.
P.S. I hate my phone.
Close your eyes & think about what your dream career would be. What do you see?
I see myself waking up in my NYC apartment answering emails on my phone (or iPad LOL) about album release parties interview requests and emails with new music from different artists in it. Then I would hit up the album release parties or listening parties in something fly and taking pictures for my own personal style blog before having a few drinks (BTW I need a new drink besides a margarita) before going back home to write up pieces for my job as a music journalist for some semi popular/underground music magazine.
THAT’S MY DREAM.
And I vow to do anything to make that dream happen.
Yet my parents…I love them. I do. And they’re trying to help me. I get that. But they don’t seem to understand that I don’t wanna leave my one job that I hate for one that isn’t my passion because I know myself and I would end up hating that job because I wouldn’t be happy. But my parents don’t understand that. I mean I guess I would like if they just asked me about what I wanted to do. Cared about my dreams instead of just laughing at saying that I wouldn’t wanna do that shit. But I guess they don’t.. And I need to accept that. My parents sacrificed a lot & if they didn’t I probably wouldn’t be here. But it’s just me. I don’t have any kids or obligations. So I need to start being selfish and doing what the fuck I wanna do. That’s why I’m done wasting my time looking for jobs that aren’t in my passion.
And if they don’t accept ti that’s fine. I’ll just have to prove all the naysayers wrong when I make it.
It’s been a while since I did a random music post but here it go.
Let me state that I’m not perfect. Hell I have issues like everybody else in the world. And sometimes I get mad about shit that I turn around & do myself. Crazy right? But with that being said, I don’t like how I apologize for something that I say OR do & the person continues to harp on the issue. I’m not saying YOU HAVE TO ACCEPT MY APOLOGY but what I’m saying is don’t harp on the issue continuously. Because I apologized. What more do you fuckin want me to do? do you want me to get down on both of my knees and beg for an apology?
do you want me to buy a big diamond ring for an apology?
Because I’m sorry but that’s just not ME. I’ll apologize. And I’ll say “I shouldn’t have done that” or “I’ll keep that in mind next time” and that’s that. There will be no grandiose gesture begging you for forgiveness because quite frankly whether or not you accept my apology is my on you because in my eyes I’m cool with karma. I don’t intentionally mean to upset people. Some shit I say or do may upset people. And if I see it hurt people I’ll apologize because I’m a nice person and I don’t like seeing people upset. But if you keep on harping on some shit guess what I will snap.
Maybe it’s the household I live in. My mother (as much as I love her) says a lot of shit that she truly feels. And some of that shit hurts my fuckin feelings. But do you think she apologizes? Hell no. Because that’s how she feels man. She believes that as long as she says how she feels or what she thinks its cool & it’s up to you to either take her advice or ignore her. Hell people should be glad I’m not like that.
God Bless New York Football Giants….
Signed, A Proud Bears Fan!
So 2012 is just a few days away so it’s time for my 2011 reflection. *makes mental note to delete this post from fb*
1. The year started off shitty b/c I was getting shitty hours from my job. Then I went ahead and GOT A NEW JOB! I was gon quit my job but decided “why not work two jobs?” So now I work two jobs. Now true I’ve complained about my jobs A LOT but at least I got two jobs. I know a lot of people who ain’t even got one.
2. My beloved Betsy, the 1998 Honda Accord that was passed down to me from my mother & that was PAID FOR, was stolen out the parking lot while I was grocery shopping. I was fuckin heartbroken. Yeah she was old but she got me from point a to point b and back to point a. But when good things leave, they allow better things to appear. And that’s what happened when I got my brand new Chevy Cruze aptly named “Tiffani…with an I”. But after I purchased the car, I get a damn call saying they found Betsy. But it’s whatevs. Now I have a car w/ an automatic starter & OnStar!
3. I still haven’t found my career job LMFAO. But yet I’m still applying. I apply to 20 jobs a month (which is expensive as hell but whatevs) and I’ve also gotten a few call backs. But that never panned out to shit. But hey I went from getting no call backs to getting call backs. So I feel I’ll go from getting no job offers to getting job offers!
4. My family is still insane. But I learned to cope with their insanity.
5. I’ve lost some friends & regained some friends this year. & started to really learn that I cannot trust everybody. Hell I can only trust myself.
6. On a shallow note…I improved my makeup skills & rocked my fro twice this year. Time to improve some more though.
7. I really stepped up my blogging game this year. I wrote a lot of reviews (and got some positive feedback) & I’m learning new editing tricks for my YT videos. I just need to upgrade my blog tho.
8. Love Romantic Dealing with these hoes: bad news is I allowed people (see: hoes) to break me down mentally & emotionally. Shit that I swore LAST YEAR i wouldn’t do I did THIS YEAR. Which ain’t good at all. Semi bad news: I finally met a dude who wanted to treat me like a lady, take me out, wine & dine me. But then he ended up being like the rest. But with all that said & done..I’ve matured through it all. I finally FINALLY was able to uncover the truth that I worked so hard to conceal. Finally accepted it & am learning to deal with it (and naw I ain’t gay. Although nothing wrong with that. Just not for me!). Let’s just see how this realization bodes for me in 2012.
In conclusion (don’t you hate when people use in conclusion to conclude something?) 2011 was filled with a bunch of ups & downs. Lots of tears. Some laughter. And a lot of growing up. I ain’t bout to say 2012 won’t be the same because contrary to popular belief I am an emotional chick! But I feel that 2012 will be better. Like 2011 was better than 2010. 2010 was better than 2009. I feel like 2012 is my year. Yes I have resolutions but I’m not even gonna list them because my new mantra is “Don’t talk about it, be about it”
—C
